


A Hand Full of White Roses

by Liztening



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Childhood Memories, Depression, Doctor/Patient, Doctors & Physicians, Dreams, Friendship, Gen, Hospitals, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I'm Sorry, Loneliness, Memories, Memory Loss, Nurses, Parent Death, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Psychosis, Sad, Schizophrenia, Stupidity, Work, dont
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 08:37:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1143865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liztening/pseuds/Liztening
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kate is a young girl working at a psychiatric hospital.<br/>Room 406 has been occupied by Emily for a while now , but Emily has to make room for a new patient.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That one room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

There was a loud banging somewhere at the other side of the small hall.  
  
I sighed and grabbed the keys from the table before I dragged myself through the hall.  
I saw the man who was responsible for the noise through the small window in the door .  
He smiled a creepy smile as soon as he noticed me standing in the poorly lit up hallway , connecting the solitary cells with the doctors ward.

“Well hello.” He smiled.  
“Hi Derrick , is there something I can help you with?”  
“Well…” he looked down at me through the window.  
“...No…” he licked his lips.  
I sighed. “Well , would you mind keeping it down a bit then ?”  
“For you Miss  Woods.” He quickly bowed down. “Of course.”  
“Thank you , if you need anything just use the button Okay?” I turned around and made my way back to the ward.  
“oh yeah .. the almighty system “ he yelled followed by a terrifying laugh.  
I rolled with my eyes and smiled a little bit , He was right ofcourse , the system was whack but the doctors would never admit that.  
I didn’t mind , I had never been a big fan of technology anyway.  
“Pssst…Miss. Kate…”  
I was startled by the soft whisper coming from the room I just walked past.  
“Jamie , why aren’t you sleeping yet?” I said , faking a subtle tone of disappointment.  
“Bad dream “ I saw him shrug.  
“Oh.” Poor thing.  
“yeah it was awful miss Kate” he shivered.  
“What was it about ?”  
“I don’t want to tell you that , I wouldn’t want to make you scared”  
I laughed “I’m not that easily scared , plus it might help to talk about it you know ? usually if you talk about it it doesn’t come back. “  
“ohh … I don’t want it to come back .. No.. “ he looked at me.  
“well , tell me about it then.” I leaned against the door facing the window.  
“Well , there was this man chasing me , and he was all dressed in black , and his face was so … white.  
"He had a very big smile miss Kate , it was creepy … and he was faster than me , and I tried to run away but my feet wouldn’t move. And he just came closer and closer and I asked him who he was and he just smiled at me.” He shook his head.  
“What happened then?” I asked.  
“Well … I woke up Miss Kate , and then I heard Derrick yell I think he woke me up “ he looked at his bed with a puzzled look.  
“Well I talked to Derrick and he promised he would be quiet now , Okay ?”  
He looked at me and nodded his head with a big grin on his face.  
“Now , go and try to get some sleep , it was only a dream and nothing will happen to you here I promise you that.”  
“Okay !” his grin grew even bigger and he quickly grabbed his blanket and pulled it over his head.  
“good night Miss Kate “  
“Good night Jamie” I continued my way back , and felt something vibrate in my pocket.  
“Kate.” I hated phone calls , so I always tried to keep it short.  
“Hello Kate “   
I immediately knew what this call was about, Doctor Smith only called if there was either a medicine change or a new patient had been admitted. And looking at the time of day I didn’t expect any description changes.  
“There will be a new patient in room 406 , would you be so kind as to clean the room?”  
I looked at the chart on the desk , “But that room is already occupied Sir.”  
“Yes by Miss. Turner if I’m not mistaken ? you can take her back to her room in section B.”  
“Will do.” I sighed.  
“Thank you miss Woods , you’ll be hearing from me soon.”  
  
I put my phone away and searched through the key safe on the wall.  
The key hanging under room 406’s label was switched for room 201’s. “of course” I sighed again ..  
It’s always been a mess in the safe , people were to lazy to put the right key at the right room number , and even though it had caused some trouble before , and even though every month I took the time to put the keys back at their right place , I was always confronted with the mess people left, sometimes even only 2 days after i'd sorted them out.  
I finally found the key under room label 98   
I slipped it in my pocket and slowly walked to the 5th door to the right , room 406.  
The light was dimmed so I was quite sure she was asleep.  
“Emily ..” I whispered while I opened the door.  
She turned a bit , but she still looked asleep.  
“Emily ..” I repeated “Wake up”  
She opened her eyes in confusion and looked at me.  
“I’ve really taken my medicine this time , if that’s what this is about.” She murmured.  
I laughed.  
“No , the doctors decided it is time for you to move back to your old room”  
She moaned and buried her head in the pillow.  
“ey meed a woof ont ey”  
“I can’t hear you if you’re talking with your head in a pillow Em.”  
She turned her head and moaned again “They need the room don’t they”  
I smiled “Yep, now stand up and get dressed. I’ll help you pack your stuff when you’re ready.”  
“Uch !” she buried her head in the pillow again.  
“If you don’t hurry I’ll let someone else take your place , don’t think I won’t” I said in my most serious tone.

“Oh no , you’re going to let me sleep in this crappy room and give someone else my slightly less crappy room , please don’t” she said sarcastically.  
‘Yeah well , I heard they are serving pancakes in B. tomorrow.”  
I heard her sigh while she lazily made her way out of her bed  
I closed the door and heard a muffled “goddamned come from the other side of it.  
  
About ten minutes later Emily told me she was ready , and when I opened the door I saw she had a black dress with studs and a skull on it with matching high heels with the same kind of studs and some black spikes at the back, her dirty blonde hair was tied up in a knot.  
“This might be the first time I’ve ever seen you wear a dress Em , what’s up with that?” I asked while I walked in the room to help her pack her suitcase.  
“Well I figured I’d make a good 'second' first impression since it’s been a while since I’d been back there.”  
"It's 4 in the morning , i don't think you'll be seeing alot of people awake over there."  
She shrugged, and turned around to lay some clothes on the suitcase.  
I chuckled “you do know the spikes aren’t allowed here right?”  
“I know , but I wasn’t planning on murdering anyone with it. That would be such a fucking waste , they cost me almost $200,-“ she smiled and sat down on her suitcase so she could zip it close.  
I grabbed the books from her shelf and put them in her backpack.  
She put it on her back and checked the room one last time to see if she’d forgotten anything.  
“I think we’re done” I stated.  
“Yep” she replied.  
  
I closed the door and signed her to follow me to the door on the end of the hallway.  
Behind the door was another even longer hallway .  
Here were showers and the bathroom located and even though it wasn’t the shortest way to the main sections , it was the most calm one , since the other halls were all filled with rooms of different departments , differing from complete isolation to almost complete self dependency.   
With also a very big difference between size and classifications of the rooms themselves.  
  
“You know what Misses K.”  
I waited for her to finish her sentence but it became clear she wasn’t going to by herself.  
“What is it Emily?”  
‘Well.. even though I’m not gonna miss this shithole room , and the shithole staff members ..” She looked at me and mimed ‘sorry’ “… I think I might actually miss you . I mean , I’ve been gone from B. since forever , so for all I know everything might have changed , but the people that work there aren’t really the freakin host party of the white house either.”  
I laughed .. “you know , I really can’t let you talk about my colleagues like that Em , you know that.”  
“I’m sorry , you’re right , forget I ever said that part. What I meant to say is I’m just gonna miss you.” She smiled genuinely .  
“Thanks , you know what , apart from the medicine , you weren’t exactly the worst patient to have around back there either”  
“Well , we can still turn around you know?” she said.  
“No we can’t..” I opened the door to section B. and I waved at the nurse making him aware of our presence.  
“Home sweet home.”  Emily murmured sarcastically.  
‘Welcome back Miss Turner.” The nurse smiled  exaggerated.  
I saw Emily’s eyes almost roll out of her head.  
“Thank you for bringing this lovely lady back to the place she deserves to be” the man said to me.  
I smiled , slightly annoyed by the way the man spoke.  
The man looked at Emily’s suitcases and asked if he needed to take them from her .  
Emily thanked and asked for the key to her room so she could unpack her stuff.  
She opened the door and walked in , before she closed the door her head popped out and she smiled at me “Thanks Misses K. Good night “ she said  
“Bye Em , I hope we won’t be seeing you any time soon again.”  
“We’ll see !” she laughed and then closed the door.  
I handed Emily’s dossier to the nurse and told him I should be heading back now.  
“Yeah , can’t keep your patients waiting now can you “ he said , again with the fake smile.  
Uch , I felt rather sorry for Emily.  
The guy gave me shivers ; He looked like he was one of the regular staff, though I was pretty sure I had never seen him before.  
I made my way back to my own section , and as I entered the hallway I saw the doctor and one of the nurses from the medication section in front of Emily’s old room.  
“Miss. Woods , welcome back. Did everything go well with miss Turner?”  
“Yeah she’s a nice girl. Nothing to complain about”  
“Good good “he murmured while looking at a sheet of paper in his hand.  
“So , new patient ? what’s up with him.?”  
The nurse shook his keys nervously , I had seen the guy a few times before , and every time he managed to annoy me , he always made the most obnoxious noises , sometimes by tapping a pen on a clipboard but usually he just played with his keys.  
“Well , it’s a she actually.” The doctor stared at me over his glasses.  
“delusional , psychotic episodes and in her past she has dealt with suicidal episodes aswell , but the last one recorded was over 5 years ago.”  
I wasn’t really surprised by that , most people we treated were either schizophrenic or psychotic.  
The doctor handed me the paper dossier he had been studying .  
I quickly ran my eyes over the paper , and immediately noticed some missing information.  
“Why isn’t her name on here ?” I asked.  
“We .. don’t know her name.” he said calm.  
“Then how’d you know about her problems, I mean they are all from different places , from her own doctor and the hospital right?”  
“yes , but she always tells them different names. And up untill now none of these names had actually matched anyone even close to the information we did have about her.”  
“So … what DO we know ?” I asked rather confused.  
“She’s about 25 years old..”  
“And that’s it ..?” I frowned.  
“You’ll have to do with that Kate”  
I gave a quick side look to the door with the number “406” above it .  
I gave the doctor the information from Emily's med presciptions so he could fax them through to the staff at B.  
After a few minutes him and the nurse both made their way through the door , leaving me yet alone again with my thoughts.  
I saw Derrick had finally turned off his lights , making the entire hallway lit up by only the nurses office on the other side now.  
I looked through the nameless girl’s window , but it was pitch dark in there , I assumed she was sleeping.  
I felt sad for her , according to the doctor she couldn’t be much older than me .   
I imagined how she must feel now, being thrown in the small room , locked away and all.  
I thought about the way she must be feeling so lonely , so far away from  her family and friends.  
But maybe she didn’t have any friends , maybe she preferred an isolated life.    
That wasn’t very rare around here , most of the patients submitted here completely lost their shit because their family neglected them, or sometimes they had never even known them and had been raised in an orphanage.  
In a way I could relate to that;   
My dad left me and my mom when I was only 4 , leaving my mother in a horrible state of depression.  
Not soon after that she got very sick and when I was 7 years old I woke up one day and found her sitting completely lifeless in the rocking chair in the living room.  
My Aunt and her boyfriend had been taken care of me ever since , raising me like I was their own.  
And I can’t say a single bad thing about them , because they did their absolute best in their own way, but I’d never really felt ‘at home’ with them.  
So when I turned 18 I left and got my own apartment somewhere down town , and I have been living there ever since.  
If it wasn’t for my at that moment still being boyfriend , Jake , I’m pretty sure I would’ve lost it too.  
Possibly ending up on the other side of this door as well , rather than where I am right now.  
  
The rest of the night went by peacefully , and by the time Daisy arrived to take the shift I was exhausted.  
I climbed on my bike and rode home , as soon as I entered my apartment I threw myself on the bed , not bothering to change my clothes.

 

I immediatly fell into a deep sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	2. A little sympathy , or Remember.

 

 

 

 

I woke up to the tune of Marley’s ‘No Woman No Cry.’.  
  
  
  
.  
“Fucking , change that” I murmured annoyed to myself.  
I always felt a slight anger boiling up when I heard that song, I couldn’t explain why , and I certainly couldn’t explain why I still used that as an alarm tune but I guess I just always forgot about it as soon as I went to bed , or just laziness I don’t know.  
I took a quick shower and when i looked in the mirror i was shocked by how tired i looked.  
There were some dark circles surrounding my blue eyes, And my nose looked even more crooked then normal.  
I looked at my cheeks , and i could almost hear Jake's voice in the back of my head telling me that those dimples had made him love me the moment he first layed eyes on me.  
I felt incredibly sad thinking back about it , so i decided to leave the bathroom and put myself in some new clothes before I rapidly made my way back to the institute.  
  
There had been a serious lack of nurses lately and since I was the only one that didn’t have kids or any other obligations , I’d been running most of the night shifts for the last couple of weeks.  
It was already starting to get dark outside and the streets were completely empty.  
It was late November , and in this small town people had the habit to stay inside as much as possible around the colder months of the year.  
So it wasn’t very uncommon to not see a single human being around late at night now.  
I walked through the emergency door of our section , not bothering to make my way through the whole building , and I was immediately greeted by Daisy.  
“Hey “ she smiled warmly at me.  
“Hey , what are you still doing here ?”  
“Richard couldn’t make it so we switched , he’ll be taking my shift from tomorrow.”  
She yawned , and took a sip of her coffee.  
“Oh well .. okay I guess . so anything new ?”  
“Nah .. not really. Derrick’s been put on some new medication , so he’s been very quiet.”  
She quickly ran through the day , telling me about the lack of exiting stuff that had happened.  
“Well that’s about it , god I could use a shower…” She sighed.  
“Yeah you should go home , Jack must be getting impatient for sure” I laughed.  
“Nah , Jack is still at work I’m afraid, so I think  I’m going to have to pay our baby sitter at least twice as much for staying as long as she did.”  
She stood up , grabbed her stuff and handed me her keys.  
“Thanks , have a good night.” I said as I secured the metal to my jeans.  
“You to Kate , see you Wednesday”  
  
After she left I sorted some dossiers and made myself some coffee.  
I took my time to put the keys back at the places they were supposed to be , and put a note on it to remind everyone to put them back immediately after use.  
I knew it wouldn’t make much of a difference , but at least I’d tried.  
I made my way through the hall toward the bathroom , and I heard a muffled laugh coming from Jamie’s room.  
I looked through the window and saw he was reading a strip book.  
  
“Good evening Jamie” I said .  
“Oh hello Miss Kate !” He smiled ,   
His curly hair was sticking in every direction , and in his pyama pants and spongebob t-shirt he looked about 15 years old rather than the 22 years he really was.  
“Did you have any more bad dreams this night ?”  
He excessively shook his head “No Ma’am”  
“Good , what are you reading ?”  
“Garfield “ he said grinning.  
“Cool , what’s it about ?”  
“Oh .. it’s about a cat , but he can think like a human. But it’s weird cause cat’s can’t think can they ?” he kind of frowned when he said that.  
“Well , I don’t know , I sometimes think cats can understand us , so yeah why not? I think they are much smarter than us anyhow.”  
He laughed and nodded his head.  
“It’s funny , so I like it “ he stated.  
“That’s good , and you should definitely do what you like.”  
I waved him goodbye and continued my way to the bathroom.  
I quickly glanced through Derrick’s window when I passed it and I saw him curled up on his bed.  
Good.  
I shouldn’t think things like that , and I knew it wasn’t okay but I didn’t really like Derrick that much , he could be a gigantic asshole sometimes , and he once kicked me in my stomach so hard I had to call sick for a week .  
The doctors had tried multiple pills to make him calm down , but usually they didn’t do shit .  
And now as it seemed they finally found him something good.  
Though the results couldn’t really be relied on till at least 3 weeks from now...  
When I came back in the office I saw the machine blinking.  
The small red light above 406 was flickering , notifying me that the new patient had pressed the help button.  
I grabbed my keys and walked to the door , it was still pitch black in the room.  
I was confused and looked at the box above the door , there was also a small light blinking red here , so it couldn’t be a fault in the system.  
Still not sure whether the woman had pressed the button on accident or not I decided to take the chance  
I knocked three times before I heard a soft ‘Y..Yes..” coming from the other side.  
“Hi I’m Kate your nurse , you pressed the button?” I scratched my head before grabbing the handle.  
“Ehm , ..yeah … yes , I wasn’t quite sure whether this is okay or not… but I wanted to talk to someone..”  
“Oh yeah, no.. ofcourse ..” I felt relieved and started grabbing for my keys to open the door.  
 “No ! ..” I felt my hands freeze immediately at the slight tone of panic in her voice.  
“…Please don’t come in. Can’t we just .. talk like this?”  
I frowned . “Oh .. yeah okay..”  
I put my keys back and started leaning on the wall , I wasn’t sure if she could see me , but I felt kind of awkward so I just stared to the blank wall in front of me.  
“So … Kate was it right ..?” She started.  
“Yeah” I nodded to the wall.  
“That’s … a beautiful name…”  
I let some air out my nose , as though I was laughing.  
“Thanks.. I can’t complain.”  
“How old are you ?” she said after a few minutes of quietness.  
“I’m 24”  
“When’s your birthday .. Kate..?”  
I frowned at the interrogation , but I felt oddly safe with the woman, maybe because I’d still never seen her . or maybe because she had a very calm , and genuinely interested voice.  
“…21st of August .”  
I heard a whisper from behind the door but couldn’t quite make out what she said.  
“Did you say something ?” I turned to look at the door.  
“Could you tell me where I am…?” she said.  
She sounded sad , and I wondered what had all of a sudden make her mood change , I was also surprised she didn’t know where she was.  
“You’re in a hospital..” it was the standard answer we had to tell patients who couldn’t remember where they were , so they wouldn’t immediately freak out , since most of them didn’t really handle being in a psychiatric ward very well.  
of course she didn’t buy it “It’s not a regular hospital though , is it ?”  
“No .. “ I sighed.  
“So …” it was quiet for a while before she continued.  
“What’s wrong with me ?”  
I thought about what the doctor had told me . “Well… they said you’re psychotic…”  
“And …?” I wasn’t quite sure whether she’d noticed my hesitation whether to tell her everything , or she knew there was something else , but I didn’t feel like keeping it from her , after all it was about her.  
“Schizophrenic.”  
I heard her cough , as though she choked on thin air.  
“Can you tell me your name …?”  
“You don’t know ?” I heard the astonishment in her tone.  
“No” I simply replied.  
It was quiet for so long I started to think she might have fallen asleep.  
“I … don’t remember” she said , but there was a subtle hint of hesitation.  
I wasn’t surprised really , considering all the things she didn’t know.  
Maybe she just simply has no memory of herself whatsoever.  
“Let me ask you something” I said remembering the pitch black room behind me.  
“Sure ..” she spoke soft.  
“Why didn’t you turn on the light yet ?”  
“I  don’t like the light , it gives me headache.”  
“Oh ..” I simply answered.  
I felt sad , knowing how that felt, as a kid I used to wear sunglasses all the time because the light gave me terrible headaches aswell.  
I guess I kind off grew out of it though , cause now I only ever get bothered by it when I look into very bright light like the ones at football stadiums.  
  
“Well … It was nice talking to you Kate .. but I’m tired , I’m going to sleep now , can I talk to you again tomorrow ?”  
“Tomorrow I’m free , I’ll be back Wednesday.”  
“Oh okay , well I’ll see you Wednesday then Goodnight , Kate.”  
I stood up and smiled at the door  
“Good Night.”  
  
  
I hadn’t meant to do it , but after an hour or two sitting in the office I fell asleep.  
I couldn’t stop thinking about the nameless patient , and I had been trying to find any information possible about her , but it just simply seemed as though she never existed.

My dream started of pretty normal , I was young , about 4 years old and i was running through a field of flowers , beautiful yellow filled my view all the way to the horizon , I saw my dad walking towards me smiling with his arms wide open as though he was about to grab me and lift me on his shoulders and my mother was walking right behind me smiling at me aswell.  
But as soon as my father almost crossed my path , his face tensed up , he started looking angry , furious .. the flowers caught fire and my mother soon disappeared in the flames.  
my father turned around and started walking away from me.  
I tried to catch up with him , but I soon got tired and fell head first on the burning ground.  
Then all of a sudden , i heard a loud 'bang' as if I was hit by something but couldn't feel the pain.  
I closed my eyes in a reflex and when i opened them again everything was pitch black .  
I couldn’t see anything.  
I started reaching around me , and immediately felt a wall , i started running my fingers over them , and after I hit a corner I felt what I assumed must have been a door.  
next to the door was a small box sticking out of the wall.  
“Weird … I wonder if”  
I pushed it and immediately I heard a small “ting”  
So I knew where I was now.  
a few minutes later I heard someone knock on the door ‘Y..Yes..” I stuttered.  
  
“Hi I’m Kate your nurse , you pressed the button?”.  
Wait .. what ?  
“Ehm , ..yeah … yes , I wasn’t quite sure whether this is okay or not… but I wanted to talk to someone..” I felt my heart racing in my chest  
“Oh yeah, no.. ofcourse ..” I heard her say

I heard key’s hitting the lock from the outside ,  
“No ! ..” It immediately became quiet on the other side of the door.  
“…Please don’t come in. Can’t we just .. talk like this?” I stuttered.  
“Oh .. yeah okay..” I heard muffled.  
I was baffled and didn’t know what was going on, I felt as though I couldn’t really control myself, even though I kind of could.

“So … Kate was it right ..?” I started ,  
“Yeah” I heard  
“That’s … a beautiful name…” just like mine , I added soft.

It was quiet for a while before she answered.  
“Thanks.. I can’t complain.”  
I started wondering…  
“How old are you ?” I asked  
“I’m 24”  
“When’s your birthday .. Kate..?” it was weird knowing I was talking to myself , even in my dream.  
“…21st of August .” she said.  
Oh you liar , it’s the 24th . I whispered.  
“Did you say something ?” She sounded closer than before now.  
I got sad thinking about it , it was a weird habit I’d make my own , I didn’t want to have a party so every year I told everybody a different date of birth on wich I was sure I had plans .  
I never changed the month , just the day.  
But I didn’t feel like confronting myself with it , not even in my dream.  
“Could you tell me where I am…?” I said , to change the subject.  
“You’re in a hospital”  
All of a sudden the room started to light up with bright white lights , it was empty apart from a curtain and a bed.  
in the bed was a girl from my old school, she looked very ill and she had big black circles around her eyes.  
She opened her eyes and looked at me “Remember” she whispered it at first ..repeating it.  
But after a few second it got louder , and even louder , she started yelling “Remember Kate !”  
  
She started twitching as though she tried to escape from some invisible ropes tied around her arms and legs.  
Some doctors came in and tried to calm her down but she kept screaming ‘Remember, Remember, Remember..”  
One of the nurses grabbed something out of her pocket and violently jammed it in her arm.  
I looked at the thing and saw it was a needle , within seconds the girl calmed down , and a little later she completely stopped moving , her head was turned towards me , her eyes were opened wide and they looked scared.  
  
  
  
I saw her mimicking the word one last time before she closed her eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	3. Lucky Charms.

The moment I woke up I was so shocked I almost fell from my chair.  
  
  
  
  
“What the actual …” I whispered to myself.  
“Look who’s awake” Richard’s voice startled me , it seemed to come out of nowhere and I hit my knee on the desk because I tried to jump out of the chair.  
“Fuck..”I whispered again  
‘I’m sorry “ Richard laughed “Didn’t mean to wake you up , even though you know you aren’t supposed to sleep during work Kate...... Anyway bad dream?”  
‘You could say that..” I rubbed my hand over my knee, making it hurt slightly less.  
“Care to share ?” he asked nonchalant.  
“I just dreamed about being here , you know as a patient I mean” I didn’t feel like telling him about the rest of the dream , because it felt to personal.  
“I think we’ve all had that dream at least once or twice.”  
“Yeah i've had dreams like this before too ,actually."I sighed  
"But .. it was different from the other times though..”  
Richard offered me a cup of coffee and I happily accepted it.  
“Yeah … how ?” he said before taking a sip.  
“Well , I was talking to myself , it was just ..weird.”  
He laughed again , but he looked a bit worried, “You look like shit, sorry for saying it.”  
“I’m just tired I guess” I shrugged  
“Yeah well , you’ve been here way too much lately , you should take some time for yourself.. you know take some rest.”  
“I’m free till Wednesday night after this shift , so I can catch up on sleeping all day tomorrow.”  
Richard looked at the clock on the wall , it was almost 6 wich means I had been asleep for at least an hour.  
“Tell you what , since I’m already here .. how about you just go home , take a shower and go back to sleep.”  
“Are you sure ?” I asked  
“Yeah , I mean everyone is still asleep , and there isn’t a lot of medicine problems now anyway , since Emily’s gone , or at least I imagine so.” He smiled.  
“Thanks” I gave him a warm smile and finished my cup of coffee.

I came home and didn’t do a lot besides sleeping and drinking tea all day.  
And before I knew it  , it was Wednesday evening again and I found myself sitting at the same door as two nights ago.

 

 

“So what are your parents like .. are they nice ?” I heard the woman ask.  
I thought about the question , I thought about my parents.  
It was weird how much I’d been thinking about them lately , really.  
They just seemed to make their way into my thoughts and conversations alot.  
“Well … my mom was a very nice lady.”  
“Oh … I’m sorry..”  
“No it’s okay , I don’t mind .”  
“Are you sure …” she sounded so calm.  
“Yeah , really. It was long time ago, I’m okay with it now I guess.”  
“Okay …”  
I looked at the hall , and saw most of the lights had gone out , except for room 603.  
It belonged to a girl named Lisa , but I’d never really talked to her .  
In fact nobody but Daisy did , she refused to talk to anyone apart from her.  
I’d gotten peace with that a while ago, but Anne seemed rather irritated about it and kept on asking Daisy what it was she’d done to earn the girls trust.  
But Daisy couldn’t answer that, because she kept wondering the same thing herself , too.  
“What about your father ?” I heard the door say.  
I laughed , of course she asked that , she couldn’t know right?.  
I felt some anger boiling up , but I kept my tone calm when I answered her.  
“He left when I was young.”  
“Oh … that’s sad..” her voice was filled with empathy  
“yeah …” I said , mostly to myself.  
“You know .. We are much alike Kate , You and I, more than you know…”  
I laughed “How can you know that ? for all you know I could be lying to you.” It sounded more cynical than I had meant.  
“Yeah but … Why would you do that .. ?” I heard her say.  
“I don’t , I’m just saying .. plus you don’t remember a lot about yourself. Atleast , that’s what you told me.”  
“For all you know , I could be lying to you ..” she threw back at me .  
“Yeah … but why would you do that.” i asked.  
“I don’t … “ She said  
I heard her laughing and i couldn't help but smile aswell.  
“…I’ve just got a feeling I know you , is all.” She said after it got quiet again.  
  
“I know what you mean …” I sighed.  
  
  
The next couple of day’s kind of went the same way , we talked about stupid things , about our childhood (Or at least as much as she remembered from it , wich wasn’t a lot actually..)  
And we spoke about politics , and television programs, about sports ,and about music bands.  
As it turned out , we did actually have a lot in common , although we had a few big differences in opinion when it came to life itself , and the things it had to offer.  
Time flew by , and before I had realized it , it was the end of December.  
I had offered Anne to take her Shift that day so she could be home for Christmas evening.  
She thanked me a million times , and kept on saying how much of a good person I was.  
I found it rather exedurated but I was glad I made her so happy.  
Besides , I didn’t have any reason to stay home.  
  
Lisa had been allowed to the open section to celebrate Christmas with the others who couldn’t go home.  
Jamie’s parents would be coming all the way from Illinois to spend Christmas with him, and it made me happy to see him all exited for the last couple of weeks knowing he would see them again.  
They lived far from here so he only ever saw them on his birthday and 'special' day's like Christmas.  
So he was always very happy when they did come.  
  
Derrick on the other hand , had been a complete douche bag the last couple of weeks , yelling about how he didn’t want to spend Christmas in this shithole again like he had done last year.  
We all kept on telling him that if he’d just behave he would be allowed to go to the open section just like Lisa, but last night he had smashed a chair on his window and tried to threaten Daisy with a shard of glass.  
So as soon as he had calmed down enough , the doctors immediately moved him to the isolaltion section.  
Leaving the entire section empty , apart from room 406.  
I walked up to the door and knocked three times.  
It stayed quiet at the other side , but just before I wanted to walk away I heard my name very quietly.  
“Kate .. is that you ?”  
“Hey , yeah it’s me , did I wake you up ?”

I heard her bed screech followed by some muffled footsteps.  
“Yeah but it’s okay , I shouldn’t be asleep at this time of the day anyway.”  
“You’ve got a clock in there ?” I asked rather surprised , because even if she did , how would she be able to even see it in that room, unless it was one of those glow in the dark things where the needles lit up.  
“No … but it’s like half passed 1 right?”  
I took a quick look at my watch “dead on , how’d you know that?”  
“Just .. a hunch.”  
I looked at the door skeptical , even though she couldn’t see me.  
“Hey Kate ..?’ she said after a long pause.  
“Yeah?”  
‘Why are you here at Christmas … it IS Christmas right?”  
I scratched my ear and nose before answering.  
“yeah it is , and I could ask you the same question?”  
“I have no one to go to , and I didn’t want to leave my room to go sit with some people I don’t know.” She murmured  
“Well , exactly.”  
“Right..” she didn’t seem surprised by my answer , or rather my lack of an answer.  
“I don’t really like Christmas anyway.” I shrugged.  
It got quiet and I could almost hear her think.  
“it’s when he left you right ? Jake .. I mean.”  
I sighed , a bit annoyed by all the things she remembered.  
“Yeah.. that’s 5 years ago now though.”  
“Hey .. we’re both lonely on Christmas , isn’t that ironic.” She said all of a sudden.  
“Ironic , how?”  
“Well , we’re both young girls , finding this place to be the best place to celebrate worlds biggest known holiday. Only difference being the side of the door we are on.”  
I smiled , it sounded kind of sad the way she put it.  
“Well we have each other don’t we ?”  
I heard her chuckle in a very heart warming way “Yeah we do..”  
  
Moments like this made me really wonder what she was doing behind that door , sometimes during our conversation she all of the sudden started laughing , or whispering something I couldn’t understand , as if she knew something I did’t.

I felt the phone buzz and I recognized the number on the screen immediately.  
“What’s up doc?”  
“Hey there Kate.”  
I heard him laugh on the other side of the phone.  
Doctor White was with his 26 years of age one of the youngest doctors in the building and he was a real charm.  
He and I used to hang out sometimes after work , but that was before we both started doing ridiculously much shifts , mostly exactly opposite of each other too, me doing night shifts and him running around in here like a lunatic during the days.  
“We’ve send you a report about the new patient in Room 406 , did you get it yet?“  
“I’ll go check hold on a second”  
I covered the phone with my hand and told the girl I’d be back in a few minutes.  
  
I walked in to the office and saw a few pieces of paper wrapped up under the fax machine.  
“It says she’s being moved ?” I spoke into the phone after quickly reading the papers.  
“Yeah” I heard him take a sip of something on the other side.  
“Well … when ?” I asked.  
“As soon as possible , really. When’s best for you though ? wouldn’t want to make you rush anything.”  
“I … I’m free now, she’s the only one still here anyway.”  
“Okay , well me and Kurt will be on our way then , see you in a couple of minutes.”  
  
  
  
“See you then … then.”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	4. The things we all have in common.

I coughed after I put my phone away.

 

I clenched my hands around the keys and walked back to the room on the end of the hall.  
I breathed in nervously and prepared myself before i opened my mouth.  
“Hey I’m .. back” I coughed again ,  
I always hated telling people they had to move , it didn't feel natural to me, and it defenitly made me feel like the big bad wolf.

“Hey .” she sounded happy to hear me .  
“Listen I’ve got .. news for you.”  
“Oh no … my dog died didn’t he ?”  
“I didn’t know you had a dog ?” I asked confused  
“Neither did I , but wouldn’t that be just terrible .. "  
"Huh?" I frowned to the door.  
"...If you'd tell me right now that my dog died , I would find out I have a dog and also immediatly be confronted with the fact that he is dead, that's sad .. really.”  
I laughed .  
“Well … No...I’m sorry you don’t have a dog. And he didn’t die.”  
I heard her chuckle as well .  
“But we are going to move you to section A.”  
“Oh .. why ?”  
I thought about that question , and found I actually had no idea why.  
“I don’t know, they didn't tell me, I guess they find that place more suitable for you?”  
“Oh, well.. okay then .. I guess” she murmured.  
“Do you want … help packing your stuff ?”  
No response  
“Hello ?”  
“Yeah , ehm no .. I don’t have anything I think”  
“Are you sure ?” I asked skeptical.  
“Yep.”  
“Okay well … then ehm , mind if I come in ?”  
She laughed a sad laugh “Do I have any choice really ?”  
“Well, not really no…” I looked through the window waiting for an answer , but she didn’t say anything.  
“… Well then” I said before putting the key in the lock.  
I heard a soft ghasping sound from the room when I turned it.  
The moment I opened the door I was overwhelmed with a disgusting smell of sweat mixed with a scent of some sort of rose-perfume .. ?.  
I realized she probably hadn’t left the room ever since she came here , and she must haven’t been having a decent shower for weeks now, Shit.

I got startled by the sudden close sound of her voice “Hey .. Kate”  
She sounded so different without the door between us.  
I was blinded by the sudden darkness and I wasn’t sure where exactly in the room she was located, but I had a slight idea , so I turned my head towards the wall on the left.  
It was where the bed and the closet were located.  
I tried to swallow , and breath through my mouth as much as possible , suppressing the overwhelming urge to gag.  
“Hey “  
“Wow , your voice is so different now ” she laughed.  
“Yeah , I was just thinking the same about you.”  
it was quiet for a while because i wasn't quite sure what to say , and i was still trying my best not to breath to much of the disgusting smell.  
"So... I remember why i'm here i think .." she said after a while.  
"Oh .. that's good , i think ... why are you here then?" i asked   
I heard her taking a deep breath ,   
  
"My boyfriend left me.."  
"...And i felt so fucking alone .. as if the whole world had just abbandoned me , threw me away...."  
she sighed.  
"... And i just couldn't live without him , you know ?"  
  
"So what happened ?" i asked , even though i was pretty sure i knew the answer.  
"I took some pills , alot of pills actually .. and i walked to the nearest bridge i could find. I guess i wanted to just end it all i guess."  
I felt sad for her , really.  
"I remember the cold air , the world was coloured white by the snow and the bridge itself was covered in ice." she laughed and i could hesar the sadness taking her over while she was thinking back about it.  
"I tried to climb on the railing but i slipped and fell , i hit my head and the next thing i remembered i was in a hospital tied up."  
"They brought me here shortly after , they knew i had taken the pills and i didn't have much of a choice other then to tell them what had happened."  
  
I tried to imagine that , i tried to imagine how desperate she must have felt , how .. alone.  
I knew that feeling so well, i had thought about doing that too, or something similair when Jake left me.  
But i never had the nerves to actually do it.  
  
"I didn't want to tell them about me though , because i always felt as though it wasn't .. me who was in here , as though i was supposed to live another life you know?"  
I heard her sniff and i wondered if she was crying .  
"And that's how i often escape from this place , imagining how my life would've turned out if i wouldn't have taken those pills.."  
"Stupid ... really." she sighed again.  
  
It was quiet for the longest time , both of us deeply sunken away in our thoughts.  
  
  
“So ehm.." I said quietly after a while breaking the silence  
  
"....The doctor could be arriving any minute now.. I’m going to have to .. you know.”

“Yeah , just do it fast...” She laughed sad.  
I felt kind of guilty having to put her through this , but she had to walk through a lot of well lit hallway’s before she could get to section A, anyway.  
I dragged my fingers across the wall with a disgusting feeling of dejavú from the dream.  
  
At least in the dream it smelled better here.  
  
“Oh and Kate … “ I heard her say.  
“Yeah ?” I asked.  
“Please remember.. for me, you know in case i forget again.” She whispered , just before I found the switch and flipped it up lighting the room completely.  
I immediately brought my hands to my head , because it felt as though someone had just stabbed a few hundred knifes in it.  
It was the exact same feeling I used to have as a child, making my memories flash back as though I was there again, comforted by my parents.  
So maybe I hadn’t grown out of it after all.  
  
In the corner of my eye I saw the girl who was sitting on the dirty looking bed, do the same thing , although I could only see her gestures rather than her herself .  
I removed my hands and took a quick look at her because , as a kid I always used to try and concentrate my vision on something so I didn’t have to think about the light.  
At first I couldn’t see much else then her dirty brown hair falling down her head in separate strings, because she was still covering her face with her hands.  
But after a few seconds she pulled her head up and looked me dead in the eye.  
I felt my heart stop and started to feel dizzy.  
Her blue eyes , her small crooked nose and the dimples in her cheeks.

I felt as though I was going to throw up and wanted to run away , but when I tried my feet wouldn’t move and I immediately fell on my knees.  
And as a smack in the face I remembered everything.  
I heard doctor white’s voice, he was talking to someone .

"How long did you say she's been here ?"

I heard someone ask.

"Atleast for aslong as i have been working here , i heard she'd been here since she was 18" i heard the doctor answer.

it was quiet for a while before they made their way into the room.

"She’s always had problems with the lights." the doctor spoke  
"She usually doesn't remember alot when she comes back." he continued  
  
“Are you okay ? do you remember who you are ?” he sounded concerned.  
  
  
I started shaking my head from left to right to prevent the rest of my body from shaking.  
  
"You don't remember anything ?" he asked.  
  
"No i do." my voice sounded odd and raspy .  
“I’m Katelyn Woods , I’m born on August 24th 1989 in Melbourne”  
“Very well miss Woods, this is the first time you remember everything all by yourself , I'm proud of you! it really is a Christmas miracle wouldn't you say Kurt ?" The doctor showed a warm smile "I think you’re ready to move back to section A. don’t you agree ?”  
I nodded.   
Kurt , the young nurse that had accompanied Dr White walked in the room and kneeled down next to me to help me get on my feet.  
  
“No family relatives visiting for Christmas?” he asked politely.

"No.." I said quietly

 

I stared at the bed , it was completely empty now.

 

“ .. I have nobody.”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


End file.
